You ever feel the need to explain yourself? You’ve been different. You’ve made decisions that family lines aren’t parallel to. Long-time friends make conclusions about your life and future. So, what are you gonna do? Fight? Avoid? Push? Defend? Try to explain yourself.
Sometimes all the reasoning and essays of your being just don’t get through. For whatever reason, some people in your life aren’t ready to listen. It can be frustrating.
I’ve been explaining, reasoning, defending since I’ve been home. I’m seeing my own defensiveness behind things, taking other people’s misperceptions personally. That’s been part of what has driven me so far away. It can be limiting, when people think they know you, and don’t.
Where’s the balance, then, between long time loves not getting me, and me being defensive about it? It makes for a clumsy dance. It all clearly demonstrates for me the role of artist and observer, that interpretations change a piece. No one sees the same way, no one has lived the same life.
Letting go of the explanations will mean dropping the guards, finding a new way to dance. Acting and reacting for the desire to be understood, well…. Some dear ones may not ever get me, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it get to me, ya know?
